(WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA — The first known European exploration of North Carolina occurred during the summer of 1524, when Florentine navigator Giovanni da Verrazano, in the service of France, explored the coastal area of North Carolina between the Cape Fear River and Kitty Hawk.
Between 1540 and 1570, several Spanish explorers from the Florida Gulf region explored portions of the state, but again no permanent settlements were established.
Now, the word is out in North Carolina that modern-day explorer Garrett Foster, a former manager and editor for The Palm Beach Post, is on his way — to a land populated by Tar Heels, Blue Devils, a Wolfpack, home to hush puppys, barbecue, the Great Smoky Mountains, John Boy and Billy’s “Big Show” — and the birthplace of NASCAR legends Dale Jarrett, Dale Earnhardt and Richard Petty.
There has been much discussion surrounding the impact Foster and his expedition will have on the state — most of it dealing with the fact that the one-time Florida Keys resident is known for establishing a following based on the practice of yoga.
A woman in Charlotte reports trying yoga once, but halfway through class, took off through the mall with a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.
One NASCAR fan at the Charlotte Motor Speedway told reporters he doubted Foster’s yoga practice would gain much traction, saying, “Perhaps he can work here at the track. When someone comes up and says, ‘Make me one with everything,’ he can sell them a hot dog.”
“Life is hard,” quipped the fan’s friend. “It’s breathe, breathe, breathe… all the time. Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“Hey, Mack. I got one for you, responded a third man. “Why did the yogi refuse anesthesia when having his wisdom teeth removed? “ He paused for effect. “He wanted to transcend dental medication.”
“Hey, I got one,” said another fan, as the crowd grew around the reporter. “Why couldn't the yogi vacuum his carpet?
“I don’t know. Why?” someone asked. “He had lost all his attachments. Heya! Heya!”
A student on the campus at Chapel Hill was quick to quote Woody Allen. “Eternal Nothingness is okay if you’re dressed for it.”
Foster, in a preliminary excursion to the North Carolina coast, no doubt got an inkling of the obstacles he will face when he asked a novice yoga student, “Do you understand that you don’t really exist?"
The pupil replied, "To whom are you speaking?"
Another student — a bit more advanced in her training detailed for Foster her battle to combat her habit of biting her finger nails down to the quick. She had been advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon, her fingernails were growing normally.
Foster asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.
"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails, so I bite them instead."
